Our stupid friendship

So about two nights ago, the both of us had sort of a heated argument, for the second time over the span of our coming close to 1 year and 5 months of friendship. I must admit that I was laughing throughout the argument because it was so hilarious. I was laughing at how silly we were for arguing over stupid stuff for 3 hours. But at the same time, it hurts so much.

I am just as confused as you. We find ourselves in the same situation, a wrong situation and yet, we just want to stick to our mistakes. I love our friendship because it feels so surreal. It feels like you are just here in Singapore, when in fact you are living many many miles away from me in another country. I can't emphasise how sorry I am for hurting your feelings for the second time but I also feel terrible for letting history repeat itself. The mistake is that we treat each other the way we are not supposed to. If we had stick to our initial agreement on how we should treat each other, we would not find ourselves in this situation.

And I feel terribly mad at you when you said you would rather suffer in silence just for my happiness. You know, it doesn't work this way at all... )'=

Hello douchebag,

And you think I'll reply to your question? Lollllllll. Who do you think you are and what makes you think I will allow you to return?

Tsk tsk.

I am truly amazed by the group of people who sat at the table in front of mine during lunch (yesterday), conversing among themselves in sign language! It is really amazing to see how people can communicate this way just by hand signs. Everyone will watch attentively when one 'speaks' and I really wonder how that is possible. How do they know who is about to speak? It is not like any of them said "hey, I want to share this story!" or waved crazily to signal "It's my turn to speak!" The most wonderful thing was that the group laughed a silent laugh whenever someone finished sharing their story.

It seems almost magical...

You see, the reason why you should not be attracted to someone for their looks is because after knowing their personality, which you might not like at all, you realised they have screwed up your feelings and wasted quite a few months of your life.

My friend, that has been my point to you since the story of us...

May angels lead you in

I've finally had the courage to blog about this. It took me long enough to find the right words to say after listening to 'Hear You Me' by Jimmy Eat World so many times.

Aquaintance. You were just an aquaintance whom I got to spend three days of my life with. We were then, the only 'girls' in the entire batch, which was why they attached me to your group. I remember the counsellors told me that I had to 'protect' you from the boys. Thinking back, it was really funny of them saying that because you had to stop them from teasing me sometimes, although I know that they have no ill intentions. Our group got along really well. Initially, I was afraid to approach you because I thought you were just another typical 'ah lian'. But you proved me wrong.

You were a sweet girl. Of course, the reason why you had to join this programme in the first place was because of your mistakes. But the thing is, you did realise your mistakes and you wanted to move on from there. After the programme, you hugged me and promised me that you will never turn back to those ways again.

And you kept your promise. But God only gave you a short period of time to keep your promise. Sometimes I'd find myself asking "Why you? Why now? Why didn't He give you enough strength to wake up from that coma?"

But we all know that you had fought hard. Two years of battling. It was definitely tough. I hope you're happy wherever you are. It was definitely a pleasure to have known you.

"May angels lead you in, hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go, may angels lead you in..."

I don't know how much to commit to our friendship because I think that history will repeat itself. You will leave me just like how the both of them did.

But it's really funny that I feel the same way for you as how I felt for the both of them. Maybe with lesser love...

Rockbottom

Hello.

'Hello', in the first place, isn't the right word people would use to greet you. It's been almost two years since I've talked to you. Today feels like the perfect night to talk to you as the lyrics in the songs meant for you start to speak to me.

How are you? Actually, do people even ask you this question?

Anyway, my point here is that I realised my love for you has never changed even after I stopped talking to you. It seems weird, I know. People judge me when I say such things. I don't care. All I know is that I want to start that relationship with you again.

I don't know where to start from. It's not like what I've done in the past few years with you is 'right'. Am I supposed to pray everyday? Pick up the Bible and start reading from Matthew? Go back to a church and worship like the rest? Is that the way to be a good Christian? I don't know.

It seems very hypocritical of me to say that I have surrendered my life to you. But I think I have and I always have.

Will you accept me with my million doubts?

Just a short note to you because I know you'll be reading:

Stop feeling guilty for that one thing. I do not feel at ease when I am aware of your guilt. Please stop making both of us miserable. Nothing can be changed even if we want it to.

I hope you will feel at ease soon.

Google Translate damn funny!

So my friend today was telling me how he felt with all the drama at home and I needed a little help from Google Translate because my bahasa indonesia was never good in the first place.

He said "sakit rasa nya", which actually means sense of pain. It didn't really make much sense because there is no way someone would just say 'sense of pain' as a sentence right??!!

Just then, Google Translate suggested that I translate to Javanese instead. For your information, Javanese is one of Indonesia's language which is entirely different. I know that because two of my closest Indonesia friends speak Javanese to each other when they don't want me to find out what they are talking about. ):

Anyway, I clicked it, thinking that it would give me some sort of an idea on what he was talking about...

Today was filled with food. LOTS OF FOOD. This silly boy had the idea of stuffing me with food to congratulate me for my new job. Sakae sushi buffet for lunch and too much Swee Choon Dim Sum for dinner. F. A. T.

But it was a joy meeting his paternal grandma for the first time. It reminded me of so many things. Many happy things. (':

Actually my point here is that I HAVE A NEW JOB WHICH I THINK I WON'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH THE PROBATION PERIOD.

Hehehehehehehehe.

It's way too early

Feeling so sad right now. My brother promised to get both of us a DS each if he gets his $1.2k scholarship, which he did, and he came up with the lousiest excuse 'I don't want to buy already. DS games so childish'.

Sighhhhhhhh.

Hellooooooo April