August

Last day of August today. Hip hip hooray!

August has been the suckiest month of 2014 yet, in fact it IS always the suckiest month. August has been terrible. I had went through 2 horrible weeks with a dearest friend, which led to my decision of deleting all kinds of apps that she could contact me with and I had all kinds of quarrels with my dear friend. I had went through a terrible month of seeing our loved one in and out of the hospital, and I am not even sure if our prayers are ever heard. (Pardon me) I had went through a terrible day (Haha, yes a day which I will not forget) of losing a friend without any reason which also led me to breaking all contacts with him. And, I had also lost myself.

I am like a lost puppy. In about two weeks, most of my coursemates, ex classmates, ex schoolmates, friends, etc, will be starting university. And here I am, working as a paralegal with so little pay, and I am still unsure if I would even have money to go to university. The worst thing is that I am now unsure if being a lawyer is what I really want to be. I've been googling stuff that I might be interested in. I've tried dancing, cooking, taking up language lessons, sports, blah blah blah and I am still not really sure what my passion is. I still love law. I do. But the path to being a lawyer is just so........... ugh.

Anyway August is really sucky and I think I might have an idea on what to do. But first, I shall stop writing on this page. I want something new. I think I will start what I might love to do on my new blog. It's funny how I always end my blog in the August period.

Goodbye. I've moved to here: http://desirefore.blogspot.com

Because when people rage at you, you shower them with love - That's what make you mighty.

Damn it. I still feel sad because of you.

I didn't expect that I would feel this way, and for that long. It has been a week since the nonsense started. They think we are very dramatic about the whole situation but no one understands.

Today when you asked me why I gave that quote to you, my answer to you was honest - I don't know. I don't know what to say to you and I don't know what I want you or myself to do. I am glad you didn't push it further, because I think you know there is a problem we both don't want to talk about. And for that, I thank you.

We used to be very open-minded, telling each other how we feel about everything. We could actually talk about anything under the sun. It felt childish but yes, we both enjoyed our somewhat lame conversations. And today, I can't believe that I have started to ignore you.

I thought I didn't mean what I said to you last week. I told you that I would leave if things like that happen again. I even counted with you how many times the bullshit happened. And yes, it has been more than 5 times and I am surprised that I could tolerate that bullshit for this long. Nothing new has happen yet, but I don't want to sit back and get hit by another wave of emotions.

My dear friend, you know I love you. If you want me to see you suffer, no thanks. I will back off. I will run and hide until everything is back to normal. I hope you get the new quote I wrote for you today. And as I promised you, one week of hiatus for me.

He's gone mad.

Wow, we are 2!

Someone once warned me when I went back to my gaming lifestyle that we should never ever treat those virtual friendships seriously. I beg to differ because I found many wonderful and beautiful friendships along the way. Some of course like any other friendships, left my life, but there are those who really stayed close by my heart for the past 2 years.

August has never been a good month for me but August holds dear to me because this was when we all started. To be honest, I can't remember exactly when I started this group, but I recall that it was towards the end of August. This group was where I found friendships, relationships, gaming kakis, etc.

Happy 2 years!!!

Dear E

I love the both of you in a different way and I can't help but to feel depressed knowing that you are angry with me, without me knowing the actual reason. It's the second time we broke our friendship and you left the both of us hanging there.

It used to be the three of us and I don't want anyone to leave. But if you really have to without telling me, I sincerely wish you all the best.

But I have a feeling you will come back. You have to.

Law puns at its best

You're not exactly the kind of person whom I want to miss but today you're on my mind because of dinner. I hope we can meet soon despite my busy schedule. I miss the awkwardness.

Okay, I am typing while crossing the main road. Goodbye.

I don't know if I should be happy or sad to see my friends getting engaged or skipping straight to the "married" stage so soon. Come on people, we are only 20 and not even officially adults.

Take a chill pill. -_-

Well, unless you are... pregnant.

Pages.

I kept telling myself to finish reading Eat Pray Love before I start reading other books but I guess the book isn't really for me and that is why I've stopped reading. I don't want to read a book halfway and then hop on to another book.

Oh boy, how do I attempt to read a book that isn't exactly what I want to read? ):

I guess that I did actually meant what I said before everything ended. I thought I said that harsh statement because I wanted to test you and I didn't want both of us to feel awkward and disturbed by everything. But well, I guess that nightmare actually happened. It's no longer my business but I honestly feel saddened by this situation because you'll always remain as a sad memory.

I don't know how people cope with this type of loss because I've never handled it well anyway. But just so you know, I'll give them a different answer whenever they ask me that same question again.

Secrets

I just broke a promise I made to myself.

I promised myself to never reveal more than what is supposed to be kept secret but I just did it again today, and then I felt like dying a hundred times because I think I revealed just a little too much. Or maybe it is because it is about the person whom we share our secrets with.

I sincerely hope you won't be trapped like me.

Because of the incident last night, it made us realise that we are... trapped.

Although knowing the answer, I asked you a really stupid question. But you gave me a little more than the answer I expected. I wanted to ask you more but I thought we should just leave it as it is. And sometimes I really don't understand us. Why???

Why are you willing to give so much for something that is not yours? Why am I acting the same way too? I really don't understand our friendship at all...

And to continue from my previous post, it happened to me too...

Wow.

7

It's not the end of July but I thought I should just mention something I discovered recently. I read through my diaries, old blogs and my private blogs and realised that July and August are always the worst months of the year.

It's funny but break ups are often in these two months. Really weird.

I hope the three of you are coping well.

And I've always hated August. Looking forward to it...

HELLO

I had a small chat with my colleague a.k.a my lunch buddy over lunch today about our jobs. The both of us were whining about how meaningless our jobs are. She has never liked the job since day one because she has a law degree but it is not good enough to take the bar here (The stupid thing about law in Singapore is the law itself) and she really is unable to comprehend the purpose of staying there. On the other hand, I like the job. I've always seen law as a way to give back to society but I've been rebutted countless of times by seniors, lawyers, colleagues and well, probably everyone, that law has never been a helping-the-society job.

I enjoy my work because it is law, but I had never intended to stay as a paralegal my whole life. I don't wish to sit there drafting and filing documents to court all the time. I don't wish to prepare thick bundles of documents or authorities my whole life (bundles have been the cause of my bad headache and OT this week). It is mundane and repetitive. But no matter how much I complain, that degree seems so far.

So what if we obtain the law degree? We might not even get to take the bar and practice here, or be good lawyers.

Maybe it's time for an ambition change...

Happy 3 months

Happy 3 months. The journey with you has been bittersweet. I love and hate you at the same time. And I can't believe I spent all my weekdays and energy on you )'=

But you are such a jerk at times.

P.S. I am talking about my job.

Happy birthday (according to the time in USA) to my one and only idol and I still can't get over the fact that he tried speaking in Bahasa again. I love him. He's the reason why I stopped crying at midnights.

Life shouldn't be like this

- Intentionally left this way because well, that's my purpose.